I’ve done some things in my life that I am not proud of.

Guess that comes with being human!

Spirit has guided me to share something that I realize that I am still healing within myself.

Shame.

Ugh.

It feels heavy to me.

Yeah.

After all these years of holding it in a dark cavern, it was still weighing heavily on me.

Only I was totally unaware that it was even still there hiding and binding my ability to fully embrace and love myself.

Whoa!

How about you? Are you still imprisoned by your own shame?

A few nights ago as I settled into bed, exhausted and feeling drained, an image from my early 30s flashed into my mind’s eye.

It brought back a cascade of memories and a feeling I thought I had healed a long, long time ago…

Shame.

While in this state between sleep and awake, I asked to be shown where else I was holding on to shame.

You know how they say be careful what you wish for (or ask for)…

Holy crap cakes!

Maybe 10 or more images flooded in.

Shameful, shameful memories.

Of me, wanting,

desperately needing,

to be loved

and paying for the promise of love with bits of myself, my honor and my dignity.

I felt a lump rise up in my throat and a profound sadness wash over me.

You see, I honestly thought I had released those things years ago.

Surprise!

Yes, I did release aspects of those events: the anger, frustration, blame, resentments, hurt, victim aspects and I (again) accepted full responsibility for them.

Except, I am really only responsible for my part in what happened. I am not now nor ever was responsible for their part in what happened.

The Shame Game

My Angels and Guides were shining a light on my hidden shame. And my shame was showing me where I was still holding myself in judgement over these past events in my life.

• Where I was withholding the love, compassion and acceptance for myself.

• Where I was still unforgiving of my role in these events.

• Where I was condemning myself for doing those unseemly things.

And Shame is often accompanied by her sister-in-harsh-and-painful-judgment…Guilt.

Those two can really throw you into a self-recrimination tailspin of epic proportions!

“Why?”  I wondered as I lay in bed unable to sleep.

“Why was I willing to forgive the other person or persons involved and not me?”

The words my mind supplied immediately were “I should have known better.”

Ahh, another judgment.

I should have known better.

If I really knew better, would I have done it anyway? Maybe if the need is that intense it overrides your better instincts and common sense.

“I should have known better” is no reason to continue beating yourself up.

Do you do this too?

If so, I invite you to look at your own “shameful” memories from a place of loving compassion.

Perhaps you were doing exactly what you believed you needed to do at that time.

Perhaps your pain was simply so great that you had to allow this situation to play out exactly as it did so that one day you would see the lesson in what happened.

Shining a Light on Shame

So why was this happening now? Why was my shame revealing itself to me after all these years?

It was time!

The Universe was helping me.

For 2015 I am in a 9 Personal Year (letting go, completion, forgiveness, compassion) in an 8 Universal Year (abundance, power, success, recognition, infinite possibilities) and my Life Path is a 9.

So everything that I haven’t fully dealt with that is related to me living my path unabashedly as ME, expressing and embodying my truth and standing in my power has been showing up for me to resolve this year.

Complete it.

Let go.

Surrender.

Forgive.

Restore the unconditional love.

Get ready to leap lighter into the new cycle that begins (for me) in 2016.

What did I do with all the Shameful Memories and Emotions that suddenly came flooding back to me?

I called on my angels and guides to help me clear and release this old shame that still holds me back, even if it does it in subtle ways.

• Shame messes with your sense of self-esteem and worthiness.
• It acts as a block to receiving that abundant life you desire.
• It erodes self-love and self-acceptance.
• It holds judgment and punishment over your head like a sword, reminding you that you are a bad person, wrong, flawed, sinful, stupid, and whatever other nasty feeling adjectives you’d like to add to the mix.

I used a couple of my favorite processes to release those “time capsules of shame”, including the Access Consciousness clearing statement.

I worked on it for hours the next day, going through each memory that presented itself to me. I continued to work on other shameful memories as they bubbled up to the surface.

I explored the events from different perspectives, and asked to be shown the lesson or gift in the experience.

What this was really trying to teach me, show me, help me understand.

I truthfully examined the different relationships that were involved with some of the memories. And saw them in a new light of awareness.

(Thank you Archangel Michael and Archangel Uriel for helping me see the truth and transmute the shame into a powerful exercise in love, acceptance and forgiveness. Thank you Archangel Zadkeil for assisting in the forgiveness aspects and Archangel Chamuel for assisting in the self-love and acceptance departments.)

Energy Shifted and I feel lighter now.

The snapshots of shame that remain still need me to take a deeper look into them for better understanding.

The majority of them where part of the same theme of “needing to feel loved”, which has been one of my deep wounds to heal this lifetime.

Not a fun one to deal with either.

When you have a deep-seated need to be loved you will give parts of you away for the promise of the love, attention and affection you desire.

You will compromise yourself, your truth and your integrity.

The need becomes craving that cannot be satisfied by anyone outside of you. (Though you will try and try and try.)

No person, food, drug, substance or magic will fill that wound.

Only you. Only you.

The love wound may only be healed by the person who caused the wound…

You.

If you are dealing with Shame I invite you to see it as a Messenger, not as a judgment and sentence.

Learn from it; what was it trying to teach you? Come to peace with it… release it.

Treat yourself with compassion. Let go of the judgment you hold tight to.

Give yourself the love and forgiveness your heart and soul is longing for.

with my love & blessings and gratitude,

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If you would like some help getting beneath the story you tell yourself or letting go of what is no longer serving your highest good, I'd love to work with you if we're a fit