My message from my Higher Self today: stop looking for why you can’t and start playing with what if you could.

Needed to hear that.

Maybe you need to hear it too.

When stuck, I find myself looking outside for the answers.

I consult my various charts:

astrology, human design, scientific hand analysis, numerology, and others. I pull cards. I ask friends. I search online. I take classes and read books about the presumed issue.

This becomes a trap.

You see I abso-fucking-lutely love to learn. If I could get paid to learn whatever intrigues me or arouses my curiosity in the moment I would be in heaven.

I love to learn new things.

I love to learn more about things I already know a shit ton about.

I love learning about a bazillion different topics, from science to psychology, spirituality to creativity, the Universe, people, animals, health, metaphysics, history, cultures, and I could go on and on and on.

I love poking and digging and unearthing and discovering.

I guess in another life I might have been an explorer or scholar… or both (think Indiana Jones… a really cool vocation if you ask me!).

And I love learning about what makes me tick… why I do what I do.

All of this is good… until it isn’t.

So for the past few years I’ve noticed my shine has dulled and my sparkle has dimmed a little.  Most of you wouldn’t notice this.  In fact, many of you wouldn’t believe that’s true.

You: “Karen you’re exaggerating. You shine just fine.”

Me: “Why thank you very much for noticing. And yes I do and yet, and yet, I have indeed faded a bit.”

It’s like a piece of me went missing and that baffled me.

I was unsure of things I once had a handle on.

Confidence was not something I lacked, until now. Weird.

I was still good at connecting to Source to help others, and receive those messages loud and clear.

Yet for myself the connection felt intermittent or fuzzy.

After some inner poking and prodding this year I can now pinpoint when the self-doubt crept in and started the slow erosion of my mojo.

But back to the looking outside for answers, yet again…

Believing someone else has my answer for me, my magic bullet.

Searching for clues; hoping some pertinent bit of info in one of my many personality/spiritual make-up charts would hold the answer to the mystery of why I struggle with unsticking myself.  

Today I caught myself turning to the palms of my hands,

and all its wonderful gift markings and lines and circles,

to try and understand why I have trouble connecting to

my illusive butterfly of desire

and igniting the full force of my creative essence.

Yeah, I had some inklings and clues and thoughts and ideas… BUT… I wanted more CLARITY.

I wanted to know beyond a shadow of a doubt

that this is what I want,

this is what to focus my energy on creating,

and this is where to go next in my business.

And perhaps I wanted a guarantee that it would all work out great.

Well actually my mind threw in the word “perfectly” I over-rode it and wrote “great” instead. 

So my Inner Sage wants to be sure of the outcome before taking the first step.

Meanwhile my Inner Child is jumping up and down and spinning in circles, frustrated that I haven’t given them permission to play.

My Inner Child doesn’t give a crap if the outcome is perfect.

Perfect’s irrelevant. You create for the experience.

You express your nature because

what else would you ever really want to express?

You do it because it feels good, is fun, makes you giggle, delights you.

And if it doesn’t feel good anymore, you let it go – WITHOUT ATTACHMENT – and move on to the next thing.

The 9 vibration year is really reinforcing the whole Letting Go of Attachment to Outcomes and Trusting in the Divine Plan.

My ego and your ego are fighting this, because the ego thinks you won’t need it anymore if you don’t try to control your life and manage the people in it.

The trick is to help the ego to understand that when you allow the surrender to your Soul and a higher power, you are relieving your ego of a big burden and the extra stress, worry and anxiety it has been holding onto.

So back to the hand analysis thing I kept trying to delve into today regarding my connection to – or lack thereof – My DESIRE.

I poured a cup of tea (green tea with Jasmine in case you were interested… and it is one of my favorites), broke off a square of dark chocolate (portion control) and was all set to go back into my office to watch a hand analysis video.

The topic was 'what’s blocking your desire based on the markings in your hand.' Seems like it was perfect for me.

And while I was still in the kitchen,

holding my cup of tea and nibbling a bite of choclate,

I heard:    “Just stop.”

I paused and silently said something brilliant like “huh?”

“Just stop already.” The Voice repeated.

“Stop what?”

“Stop looking for the reason why you can’t do this, why you feel blocked. Instead look at what you can do and do that.”

Befuddled look crossed my face. “I’m not sure what you mean. I’m sure the answer to why I’m blocked will show up in my palms.”

“Yes, most likely it will. And then what? You might discover why you’re blocked, but will you know what to do about it?

Will you take the necessary action to move past it, or will you make it a disempowering excuse or rationalization… 'well I’m blocked because of this group of lines in my mound of Venus?'

You do not need to understand why you are doing it to stop doing it.”

“What?”

“You do not need to know why you are doing it to stop doing it.”

And then I got it. Lightbulb moment.  Cue choir of angels… “Ahhh -  hah.”

There is nothing wrong or broken with me or in me.

I had started doubting myself.

I did this to me.

I let what a few people said or did to me become an insidious virus that was overwriting my own beliefs about myself.

And I started behaving a little differently and second guessing the hell out of things.

I gave my power away.

Shit.  

And I was looking in all the wrong places for the answer and

the guidebook for living my life from my authentic self.

As if someone else knows what is better for me than me, my Higher-self, Guides and Celestial Council.

If I did this to me, allowed this... well then I could disallow this and undo it.

I’ve been getting messages for years on what the next step was, and because my logic brain refused to believe that it was viable, I kept looking for a different answer.

So in my search for more clarity I muddied the water.

Now I understand that I wasn’t seeking clarity on what I want or what the next step was, I was seeking the complete owner’s manual with all the details and outcomes and a lifetime guarantee. (Ok maybe that was an exaggeration, but you get the idea)

I wanted to KNOW. NEEDED to KNOW.

Know all the steps for the next few years.

Know it would be successful.

Know it would provide security.

Know people would like it.

Know I’d like it and enjoy doing it.

Know that everything would be PERFECT.

And this crazy amped up Need To Know Everything put me in a state of overwhelm.

As a result I disconnected from my dreams and desires.

You see, it’s impossible to logic your way around your dreams and desires.

You will talk yourself out of it, claiming things like its impractical, selfish or a pipe dream.

You’ll postpone it till the right time.

Or dismiss it because you’re too old, too young or too ________ (fill in the blanks).

Your dreams and desires come from your soul,

your spirit,

the Divine.

It is how the Divine expresses through YOU.

Your mind can help you take action on the material and physical aspects of your desire, but will mess you up in the guidance department.

Wisdom and inspiration originate in your Heart or Spirit… not in your Head or Mind.

I felt compelled to share this with you today, because if this is something I struggle with, then perhaps you or someone you know does too.

Maybe my aha-moment will help you learn to trust yourself a bit more or be willing to listen to your own inner guidance system and not let your logic mind over-ride it.

One way I see my logic mind and ego blow up my forward motion on my dreams and desires is through the brilliant application of confusion.

Taking something I love, like learning, and turning it into a weapon of distraction and endless rabbit holes.

Turning the soft voice of clarity delivered from Spirit into the external search for more detailed clarity and irrefutable evidence.

And confusion ensues.

If you let it, you can lose touch with the beautiful thing that wants to express through you.

Don’t let that precious idea, dream or desire get diluted, polluted and rejected.

Have faith in the unknowable. (not easy, I totally get that, yet necessary)

Trust in the ability of your dream to pull you forward without needing to know all the firgging steps!

I’ll share more on this new / old journey as it is revealed to me.

Go on now, get out of your head and allow the magic in again.

I believe in you!

with love & blessings & appreciation for you,

PS. Thanks in advance for liking and sharing my posts!

BTW, if you’d like some help getting out of your head and restoring your own sense of clarity, sanity and direction, I’m here for you.

I invite you to connect with me on my Facebook page too!

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